Game 7 Hockey

A despondent Alain Vigneault gazes out over the crashing waves. The seagulls soar overhead, his mind wanders and wonders. 

He meets Rick and Newell in a local cafe. “Where were you?” Rick asks. “I went to the beach,” Alain replies. “Ahh, the beach!”

Alain: “It’s not working, Bones. It just isn’t working.” 

Rick raises an eyebrow: “What is it that isn’t working?”

Alain: “Why did it all turn out like this? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not with my line combinations, but I was perceptive. I always knew how to get the Sedins out in the offensive zone. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today…Every decision I’ve ever made as a coach has been wrong. My tenure with the Canucks was the complete opposite of everything I wanted it to be. Every instinct I had in every aspect of coaching - be it who to put on the power play or who to start in goal - it’s all been wrong!”

A waitress comes by, smiling at Alain. “Tunamilt on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee?” 

Alain: “Yeah…NO! I always have tunamilt on toast! Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tunamilt on toast! I want the complete opposite of tunamilt on toast! Chicken salad! On rye! Untoasted! With a side of potato salad! AND A CUP OF TEA!”

Newell: “Well there’s no telling what can happen from this.”

Rick: “You know, chicken salad isn’t the opposite of tunamilt, but Sharks are the opposite of orcas. That was the problem.”

Alain scoffs: “Good for the Sharks!”

Newell: “Alain, that guy over there with the cigar just looked over here.”

Alain: “So what? What am I going to do?”

Newell: “Maybe you should go talk to him? He looks familiar…”

Alain: “Newell, recently fired NHL coaches who live with their parents don’t approach strange men with cigars.”

Rick: “Here’s your chance to do the opposite. Instead of tunamilt salad and Mike Gillis, chicken salad and new opportunities!”

Alain: “Maybe we should flip a coin?”

Rick: “If every instinct you’ve had is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”

Alain: “Yes! I used to do nothing but suck my lozenge and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and do something!”

Alain approaches the man: “I couldn’t help but notice you were looking over.” 

Man: “I was. You just ordered the same exact lunch as me.”

It was then that Alain realized what he was looking for at the beach. As much as it hurt to be cast aside, he had a sense of renewed hope.

Alain: “My name is Alain. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”

Man: “I’m Glen Sather. Hi.”